Sunday, November 30, 2008

I think I deserve more than an apology...

... because we made plans about ten days ago and you canceled it on the day. I cleared out my calendar, made mental and physical preparations and you seemed to have simply neglected that. What's worse is that you canceled two times in a row AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE. I know I may not be as socially active as you are but I too have plans. I too have other things to do. The worst thing is that I don't how I should treat you come tomorrow. I don't know where I stand. I think I deserve a face-to-face apology and something to make up for the emotional roller coaster ride YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING ME THROUGH THESE DAYS. I hope you can deliver that without me saying it in so many words. I hope I hadn't overestimate you.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


pathetic as it sounds, i feel inadequate and unattractive because guys usually look past me...
what do other girls have that i don't?
i just can't quite understand why i need to be the person making the first move and not the one enjoying other people's attention...

it really sucks

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I miss my teddy bear...

i have this guy friend who is unlike any person i know. he's violent, short tempered, and claims to have multiple personalities. and i kinda believe that. thing is, despite all this, i am one of the few people who got to be close enough to him. i guess it felt really cool to be friends with someone nobody can quite figure out.

for some reason, i'm starting to miss him today. we had a kinda weird friendship. he would dump his issues on me for hours at a time after months of absence and stuff like that. but what i missed most about him is that i could just go ahead and hug him like a teddy bear and would not have to worry about sparks flying between us because that is way too complicated for friendships.

so hey, it is possible to be just friends with the opposite sex. and he's not bad looking, either. it's just that he's my teddy bear, simple as that. 

i could use a hug like that right now.

i wonder where he is right now, nobody really keeps in touch with him because he has rage attacks and destroys his cell phone every time...

well, anyway...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


sometimes i feel like i've more than made up for my lack of confidence when i was small and might have gone overboard. a prime example would be how i could go straight to a guy and tell him that i like him. many girls would have to muster up a lot of courage to do that, while i, on the other hand, need to exercise a lot of self control to keep from being too direct.

what's wrong with direct, you say? nothing. except that it kills the suspense (suspense is fun) and sometimes infatuation is just that, infatuation.

(canned argh)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I've come a long way...

I'd say that I've come a long way since I was a child.

I'm not talking about physical distance. Sure, I went from the Philippines to Taiwan, and now Japan; but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about how I've gone from being painfully shy to... a slightly confident person.

I used to be so shy that I don't dare raise my hand to tell the teacher that I have to go the bathroom real bad...
I used to be so shy that I don't dare sneeze or blow my nose in public for fear of attracting attention.

These are just some of the examples.

That's why I feel proud when I stand in front of a crowd and talk for half an hour without breaking a sweat.
That's why I feel proud when I teach a class and find that the students are actually listening to what I am saying and somehow respect me for what I am doing.

I'd say I've come a long way since my childhood days :D