Sunday, November 30, 2008

I think I deserve more than an apology...

... because we made plans about ten days ago and you canceled it on the day. I cleared out my calendar, made mental and physical preparations and you seemed to have simply neglected that. What's worse is that you canceled two times in a row AT THE VERY LAST MINUTE. I know I may not be as socially active as you are but I too have plans. I too have other things to do. The worst thing is that I don't how I should treat you come tomorrow. I don't know where I stand. I think I deserve a face-to-face apology and something to make up for the emotional roller coaster ride YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING ME THROUGH THESE DAYS. I hope you can deliver that without me saying it in so many words. I hope I hadn't overestimate you.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


pathetic as it sounds, i feel inadequate and unattractive because guys usually look past me...
what do other girls have that i don't?
i just can't quite understand why i need to be the person making the first move and not the one enjoying other people's attention...

it really sucks

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I miss my teddy bear...

i have this guy friend who is unlike any person i know. he's violent, short tempered, and claims to have multiple personalities. and i kinda believe that. thing is, despite all this, i am one of the few people who got to be close enough to him. i guess it felt really cool to be friends with someone nobody can quite figure out.

for some reason, i'm starting to miss him today. we had a kinda weird friendship. he would dump his issues on me for hours at a time after months of absence and stuff like that. but what i missed most about him is that i could just go ahead and hug him like a teddy bear and would not have to worry about sparks flying between us because that is way too complicated for friendships.

so hey, it is possible to be just friends with the opposite sex. and he's not bad looking, either. it's just that he's my teddy bear, simple as that. 

i could use a hug like that right now.

i wonder where he is right now, nobody really keeps in touch with him because he has rage attacks and destroys his cell phone every time...

well, anyway...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


sometimes i feel like i've more than made up for my lack of confidence when i was small and might have gone overboard. a prime example would be how i could go straight to a guy and tell him that i like him. many girls would have to muster up a lot of courage to do that, while i, on the other hand, need to exercise a lot of self control to keep from being too direct.

what's wrong with direct, you say? nothing. except that it kills the suspense (suspense is fun) and sometimes infatuation is just that, infatuation.

(canned argh)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

I've come a long way...

I'd say that I've come a long way since I was a child.

I'm not talking about physical distance. Sure, I went from the Philippines to Taiwan, and now Japan; but that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about how I've gone from being painfully shy to... a slightly confident person.

I used to be so shy that I don't dare raise my hand to tell the teacher that I have to go the bathroom real bad...
I used to be so shy that I don't dare sneeze or blow my nose in public for fear of attracting attention.

These are just some of the examples.

That's why I feel proud when I stand in front of a crowd and talk for half an hour without breaking a sweat.
That's why I feel proud when I teach a class and find that the students are actually listening to what I am saying and somehow respect me for what I am doing.

I'd say I've come a long way since my childhood days :D

Sunday, August 3, 2008

'Gifted' Class

there's a type of class in taiwan high schools widely known as a 'gifted' class. here, students that are supposedly 'gifted' are gathered together in the same classroom and educated differently from their peers. they are given a wider choice of classes to choose from, as well as better teachers and resources.

i have a bone to pick with these types of classes. first of all, i disagree with the term, 'gifted.' by definition, one would think that gifted means kids who are born smarter than most people, and in some cases, geniuses. but kids in 'gifted' classes are mostly just those whose families can afford to send them to expensive cram schools or get them expensive tutors to boost their academic scores. in other words, there are many undeserving kids who get to be branded as 'gifted' though they may not have the actual aptitude.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Wow, this is definitely a first. I'm feeling slightly emotional for wrapping up a 12-week class.

This class has been awesome. More than 80 percent of the students were regulars in my class and of course that made me proud. But the most important factor remains to be the fact that they were very attentive and responsive in class. I hope I'll continue to receive updates of their lives after the class.

This class has been an awesome experience and it does wonders to my ego. I really enjoyed every bit of it!

Sad thing is, I forgot to bring my camera to class today.... I had planned on taking a picture of my students....

Sunday, May 25, 2008


sometimes it's hard to pretend that i don't mind other people speeding past me. it's true that we are all born into different families and live different lives. some say that life is fair, but i don't quite agree. it's especially difficult to agree if you see other people living your dream while not having to work too much on it... yeah, i'm talking about the money factor...

paper money

stop burning paper money outside your houses, you assholes! it freaking stinks! since you love doing it so much, burn it inside your house! have some respect for other people who don't wanna die from your poisonous smoke!

Thursday, March 13, 2008


surprisingly i'm finally getting my act together and doing things i need to do when i have to do them. i'm no longer putting things off and surprise, surprise~ i've shaved 3 kilos and i'm more determined than ever to reach my goal!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

10 kilos

is it possible for me to become determined enough to shave 10 kilos off my body? i really need to grit my teeth and just get on with it. i am battling with myself everyday and can never understand why i can't control myself. argh!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

self control

i desperately need an extra ounce of self control... make me do things i have to do when i have to do them make me stop eating when i have nothing better to do organize my life in a way that don't annoy me so much finally realize some of the many aspirations i have


what is it with rock bands and cigarettes??!

i don't know about elsewhere in the world, but in taiwan, people in bands drink a lot of beer and chain smoke like their life depends on it. it really is annoying and they seem to think that they're elite or whatever. don't get me wrong, i dabble in rock music, and i play some guitar and drums, i just don't see the connection between getting intoxicated and getting drowned in smoke and rock and roll.

Monday, February 4, 2008


a friend told me that if i have too many goals, it's like having none.

well, i'm not entirely sold on the idea yet, but sometimes i panic when those who are fixated on a single goal and plunging ahead and leaving me in the dirt.

to give you an idea of how undecided i am, i am currently holding 6 jobs, taking a master's program and preparing to apply for another one, applying for a student exchange year to japan, taking up japanese lessons, thinking of publishing a book... you know, the whole nine yards.

anyhoo, i like where i'm at right now. it's just that it spooks me now and then to think that i may be going down the wrong path... okay, paths.

just a thought.

Sunday, February 3, 2008


yep, that just about sums me up...

here i am *again,* on the day of a deadline, trying to scrape together a decent piece of work to hand in... sigh. i always have a million brilliant ideas swirling through my brain but i never have the motivate to actually realize them. i always end up dragging my feet and agonizing every minute of the way.

i really don't know what to say.

something... deep


i was at a yoshinoya in yungho (taipei county) today and heard the personnel cracking jokes with one another. like in any other country, those who work in the fast food industry are either students or those who don't have a nice diploma to show. so, it was interesting to hear that their joke consists of a poem (which most taiwanese have to memorize in elementary school).

that got me thinking, is it possible to hear the same kind of conversation elsewhere? i can't imagine the french-fry scooping guy at, say, a fast food store in ohio memorizing a poem out of his high school english textbook, and for fun, that is.

anyhow, that's just a thought, and one of yet another long line of cultural differences that i have experienced on this leaf-shaped island.